Once upon a time the world survived by the application of commonsense, honesty and
decency. Those were the good old days (applaud enthusiastically) when trust was
evidenced by a firm handshake and not 263 pages of legal mumbo-jumbo for the
simple act of purchasing a wheelbarrow. As an example of today's standards, the authorities of high ideals decided that as wheelbarrows could be unbalanced by leaning to the left and or right, legislation would have to be introduced to keep left leaning and right leaning inclinations on an even keel. Accordingly, wheeled supports were built on both sides of the newly designed three-wheeled wheelbarrow to stop the human operator tilting the architectural award winning wheelbarrow in an attempt to turn the corner between the driveway and the back garden. The new contraptions were unofficially declared by the public to be unwieldily and a complete waste of time. But by law, the new three-wheeled wheelbarrows had to be purchased and the old one wheeled wheelbarrow forced into retirement. If one wished to retain the old wheelbarrow to grow Silver Beet, a One Wheeled Wheelbarrow Silver Beet Licence had to be purchased from a government department set up to issue $150 One Wheeled Wheelbarrow Licences to silver beet growers. Ingenuously the authorities of high ideals gleefully rubbed their hands together and called in the public relation geniuses to inform the dull-witted public known as the Jackass Mentality, that they had solved the problem of the legally unusable one wheeled wheelbarrows and loudly promoted the official edict that the wheelbarrow owner must grow silver beet in their now fully licenced one wheeled wheelbarrows. Naturally laws were introduced to ensure old wheelbarrow owners were legally obliged to grow silver beet to justify the new laws and licence fee etc and so on. Thereby officially keeping wheelbarrows and silver beet under the auspicious control of an unbiased and independent government department, which naturally extended the Public Service tradition of self employment creativeness at public expense. The CEO of the new One Wheeled Wheelbarrow Silver Beet Licence Department was awarded a Bureaucratic Golden Glitch for organising the department's 969 employees into a highly efficient regime. Higher grades and wage increases were given to employees who excelled in issuing the over-night One Wheeled Wheelbarrow Silver Beet Licences to the Jackass Mentality in less than three months. Under the bureaucratic not available to public scrutiny business ethics regulations, a portion of the $150 fee was paid to the issuer on a tax-free basis, thereby encouraging the fee to be increased to $450 to pay the pension cost of the 969 employees. Personally, as a heroic dumb arsed member of the Jackass Mentality, I purchased a three-wheeled wheelbarrow when it was on special at the Warehouse for $750. I parked it in the lounge until I could decide what I was going to do with the damn thing. Two casks of wine later I had a flash of Jackass Mentality dull-witted vision. I filled the wheelbarrow with river bundees, cement, a huge mutton leg bone, water and an empty beer bottle. I shoved an upside down18th century NZ Flag in the bottle and painted the solidified concrete blood red, touched up with heroically coward yellow. I advertised my masterpiece on Trademe as an irreplaceable Godzone Heritage from the Maori wars of the 1860's. So if you want to buy a genuine Godzone Heritage Monstrosity for mere $15.000 plus $300 delivery, email me with your credit card number. So far I've sold 362 unemployed wheelbarrows to retired civil servants who egotistically wanted to increase their emotional heritage understanding and therefore justify their lifetime of dedication to the arrogance of the public. I guess it's easy to con people who have spent their entire lives ejaculating, Yes Sir, I agree with you Sir, immediately Sir. |