The Farce

   6th March 03

     Having agreed to help my fellow Kiwis by donating my internal organs after death, I
regularly flush my liver with alcohol to ensure my bits and pieces are fit for transplanting.
During an extended cleansing session, it occurred to me that I had been conned and the
powers not only wanted to control every aspect of my life, they also wanted my dead body to enable them to profit in the future.
     To celebrate my newfound enlightenment I decided that I wasn't going to put up with
any more lies. I've had a gutful of my money being stolen to enrich those who assume people are stupid. Suitably elated, I gulped down a glass of premium New Zealand wine. It was an award winning blend of Australian, Italian and Chilean red and bottled in Godzone under the pretext it was a local product.
     Recently my bank increased the interest on the mortgage and never bothered to advise about the extra $80 a month. I had minor budgeting problems until I discovered the increase. The girl at the bank, despite the sophisticated computer software, couldn't understand the increase either. In fact she commented that interest rates had dropped with war impending in Irak. But I was bluntly informed that we would have the extra loot on the 19th of every month to avoid having the house sold from underneath us. There was no excuse or explanation and to date, I am none the wiser.
     This situation could have been avoided with a little honesty and decency. Sadly,
Godzone lives by it's exports and most moral obligations were corporatised and sold off years ago. Today, honesty and decency is only practised by private citizens.
     Thinking outside the square is discouraged in Godzone. Opening the square, I
rescheduled the mortgage payments to a fortnightly basis on the day our wages were banked. It also meant a reduction in interest payments and a shorter repayment period. The bank's action will eventually cost them thousands of dollars.
     Then my insurance company informed me that because a monthly payment was missed, they were going to hang, draw and quarter me. They regarded not having the right to whip money from my bank account when it suited them, as a sign of rebellion and would inevitably cause the collapse of the world insurance order. I suggested that as I had paid premiums for 40 years and had never made a claim, perhaps they were getting a little carried away. But their policy of corporate stupidity came before commonsense.
     To avoid further problems, I asked my insurance broker to make the same arrangement as my mortgage. They won't wear the proposal, I was told. It's not company policy. I explained that I didn't give two hoots about their policy. I would cancel their direct debit (licence to steal) and make automatic fortnightly payments to suit my budget. My solution was win win for all, so what was the problem?
     This was not acceptable to the insurance gurus. My commonsense budget measures
didn't interest them. Please Mr Broker, find me an insurance company with the gumption to appreciate that customers are the main reason they run a profitable business. It was explained that since the corporatisation of NZ, insurance companies only did business on their own terms and customers had to obey the Insurance God's word or go to Hell. Take it or leave it!
     In any business, if you ignore the customers needs, you will lose them. The small
number of insurances companies are virtual monopolies and I don't like dictatorships. Using the Internet, I found I could insured my home, contents and motor vehicles in Europe, at about two thirds of the old premium and payable fortnightly to suit my budget. I can get exactly what I want and also avoid ripoff consumers taxes. Not good for the balance of payments but who cares?
     Recently, two of NZ's biggest insurance companies stocks plummeted because of poor financial management and cost customers (investors) multi-millions and caused many staff layoffs. The CEO's disguised their mistakes with creative accounting and held out their hands for bonuses. Obviously, the philosophy of having your cake and eating it too, indicates that rapacity is entrenched in Godzone's boardrooms. Shades of Enron?
     I am but one man standing up to, and against, corporate self-indulgence. For this, Mr
Arrogant CEO, I make no apology. It's my money and I will decide how and when I pay my insurance premiums. You might be a business genius but you lack experience in reality. And if you don't like my family's survival tactics, up your nose with a rubber hose. You can take it or leave it!