Nothing

"Nothing is so firmly be believed as what we least know." Montaigne

The weather's wet and I've got a hangover. Sadly, there's nothing new in this politically
correct world. I read the daily news and shuddered. Everything that could possibly go wrong, has already gone wrong. The human race is self destructing and I can't do a damn thing. The New Zealand government is bumbling along in a fantasy world because it suits some mysterious agenda. I'm not sure they know anything about agendas or why they need one in the first place. They do very little that makes sense. Without old fashioned commonsense, I don't know why they bother doing anything at all. History shows they're bound to fail. Logically, the people aren't going to change just to suit their crackpot theories. We're not going to change our personal habits just to be politically correct. I think I'll be like the majority of people and ignore the entire soap opera. There's nothing to be gained by nodding wisely. So I guess I'll do absolutely nothing. I'm damn good at it. Doing nothing is free and should keep me occupied. I'm busily getting nowhere, having a lovely time. Trying to find lots of thing not to do.

While I think of it, I lashed out and bought a microphone and ear phones for my computer.
This means I can talk into the mic and listen to myself burbling a load of old nonsense. I was considering a political career but changed my mind. Before computers I could say something and listen to myself with my ears. Now I can speak softly and listen loudly without doing anything. Apparently I can talk to people in far away lands. I tried Good Morning America but everybody's gone bush walking. Apparently a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Isn't modern technology marvellous?

One day I'll learn how to setup the gadget so I can chat to my old mate Saddam. I'll ask him when he's going to take over Iraq. The current politically correct invaders have cocked up badly and they might need him to bring peace in the valley of the ancient civilisation. But that would break my vow of doing nothing. Besides, Saddam's English has always been a bit limited. He's a foreigner of some sort and says everything back to front. He needs a haircut to make him look respectable and I understand his living space is a bit cramped. He's in religious retreat and his monk's cell has bars on the windows to keep sex craved American GI's from taking photos of his bum.

Here's something new. The politically correct Australians have banned smoking on Manly
Beach. This seems a bit stupid when the surround themselves with bush fires every summer to enjoy the tangy smoke. But I guess Aussie politicians are much the same as NZ's. They all say they're working towards the future. They probably haven't the nous to recognise it when it arrives. But they assure us that it's just around the corner. Uttering never-ending public assurances keeps them busy enough to ignore the realities of life.

I hear that they're going to put a time limit on sitting on the loo. If everybody sat on the loo
for thirty minutes, the loss of production would cost billions in tax revenue. I also hear
they're considering barring underpants completely. Apparently the effort of pulling them up and down is causing an increase of the death rate of people more than 100 years of age. They used to have a death rate of 96% but now it's increased to 100%. Can't have that in a politically correct democracy. Besides, it's not good for the lies, damn lies and statistics they normally promote as gospel. People might not believe them the next time they cry wolf.

To keep up with political correctness, I've decided to take up smoking to stunt my growth.
I'm 6ft 2 and rising. If I smoke enough to shrink an inch a year, in 74 years I won't need a
coffin. This will save on funeral expenses. It would also make me politically correct enough to be cremated with an energy saving candle. Being a publically minded citizen, I have no wish to impose on government resources and occupy an expensive burial plot. I'm told it's not good for the economy to have cemeteries as prime real estate because they haven't found a way to make corpses pay property taxes. The bills come back return to sender.

I understand they're working on charging a fee for dying. It will take seven months to get a
Dying Permit and if you keel-over in the meantime, there's a fine for disobeying the law.
Wave goodbye to your life's savings and all your assets. Then they could afford to bulldoze the cemeteries and build high rise accommodation for the people they've saved from certain death by barring underpants. Thus, they could be seen to be doing something constructive. I'm assured that it would be good for the economy and government's bank balance. I think that's why politician's believe that money is the answer to everything. I know it would be almost impossible, but all they have to do is convince the public of their good intentions. The trouble is, we're all wide awake to their intentions.