Lawns

     Mowing lawns is hard work and I'm not used to it. The wife is a better mower and is
to be encouraged for her physical endeavours. However, just to show male supremacy, I
rescued the mower from the garage and set sail around the lawn. It took half an hour to
remember how to start the thing and ten minutes later I knew how Livingstone felt about
darkest Africa. I got lost twice and had to sit down for smoke to think about my attempts at controlling Mother Nature. It was spring and there were creepy-crawlies everywhere and the grass was as high as my shoes. Surely there are better things to do than mowing lawns?
     I guess we all do things because they are expected of us. Like agreeing with the
politicians because they insist upon knowing everything about things important to them but irrelevant to the rest of us. After all, why is it so important that we have a birth certificate to prove we're alive and a death certificate when dead? The birth certificate is senseless because you can show you're alive by wriggling your toes and a death certificate is pointless after death. You can't pin it on the wall to show the loving relatives that you're gone and they can start arguing about your assets. When I'm dead, I don't give a damn who inherits my armchair or the lawn mower. Logic states that I won't have the energy to come back and haunt anybody for failing to supply me with a death certificate.
     In Godzone we're treated with contempt by officialdom because we impose stress
upon their daily lives. Indeed, it must be tiring dreaming up new excuses to demand instant obedience from the great unwashed. Months of window dreaming don't alway produce results and initiative is frowned upon in political circles. I guess that's why my local Member of Parliament doesn't answer his correspondence. He exudes initiative and spends his time thinking up things not to say in case his truthful lies are held against him.
     But the public is officially responsible for everything that happens. We're blamed for
rainstorms and never-ending droughts imposed by Mother Nature. If the marijuana crop fails and there's nobody to arrest and no fines to enhance government coffers. Therefore, the balance of payment deficits are all our fault and they raise the tax on cigarettes and petrol to enable them to junket overseas. One wonders just who benefits from politicians touring the world and shaking hands with other politicians? Wouldn't an email be quicker and cheaper?
     Does the public really benefit from the handshaking ritual every time we turn on the TV? Do we really give a damn about politicians? But I just wish they wouldn't insist they live at my expense. I can't see them donating their money to indulge my fantasies of grandeur.
     Mowing lawns is injurious enough for my ego and I've most generously left them to the wife in my Will.