Gaytime

"People who demand neutrality in any situation are usually not neutral but in favour of the status quo." Max Easterman.

I haven't tried it but the gay lifestyle seems to becoming more acceptable around the world. I have no conception of the in's and outs, and have no intention of indulging. My opinion is irrelevant in the scheme of what one person does, with what, and to whom. Although I do have a number of children to women, who describe themselves as licenced and fully practising lesbians. I think I was just a fill-in between hormonal escapades, or whatever it's called. It seemed perfectly normal and justified by the circumstances that could be described as spare-room convenience personified. The nights were dark and stormy and I stood on the burning deck of licentiousness. Who was I to refuse the jutting persuasions of such anxious ladies? Not I, said cock robin. I fell to earth I know not where. Anything to oblige a damsel in hormonal distress.

More than a quarter of a century ago I managed a tavern in Wellington, New Zealand. I knew nothing about the gay world. One of my barman was reputedly gay, he certainly had some strange friends, and suggested that the upstairs bar should be promoted as a gay bar. I had no idea of the implications. I hired a disco man with flashing lights, a bare chest, floppy wrists and advertised in the local newspaper that the Bottoms Up Bar was available for strangers in the night. Success was immediate. Ten o'clock Friday nights saw the bar full of bum pinching males that looked like females disguised as in-betweens. It was hard to tell the difference in the dark. It never occurred to me that there was so many gay men in the entire world, let alone Wellington.

Within weeks a downstairs bar had been taken over by lesbians. This is where I met Butch. She became a bosom buddy of her most inner sensibilities on a regular basis. As all bar owners know, bars depend on regular patronage. Butch was community minded and passed me on to other females who needed a bit of encouragement deciding who they were or what they wanted to be. I was put on the block of male steadfastness. Whereas, if an experimental female was unavailable, I was nominated to expand their horizons. Apparently lesbians are extremely versatile when it comes to steadfastness resulting in propagation. How did theyknow they liked females if they hadn't tried males?

Before long we were getting patronesses from all over the country and beyond. We even got a mention in a San Francisco underground newspaper. We had radio/TV personalities, politicians and top flight businessmen pop in to view the merchandise without harassment. Mistakenly, I had always thought that closets were for storing clothes. Discretion was the better part of, what was at time, illegal behaviour. But no harm was done and Bottoms Up boomed.

I suggested a dinner party for my parent's 40th wedding anniversary and the gays organised the whole thing. They hired top hats and tails and each wore a pink rose on his/her lapel. It was the best dinner I have ever attended.

We had several gay weddings and they were solemn but humorous occasions. Make believe priests with reversed collars and upside-down bibles. Electronic organs and hymns made the ceremonies seem so real. Vows were exchanged and death us do part promised. Well, at least until somebody better looking came along. The divorce rate is much the same as normal society.

Several years later homosexuality was made legal and now there's talk of gay marriages. My old customers are still friends and we get together to remember those who succumbed to Aids. My 'gay' children are grown with their own families and readily mix with my 'normal' children. I have enough kids for four cricket teams plus umpires. Their mother's are still dedicated followers of fashion and call around now and again to review their internships.

I realise there is worldwide abhorrence of homosexuality. It's not for me but I have to admit that the exponents I met did me no harm. There are worse things in today's world of cruelty and mindless violence. Perhaps we should mind our own business when it comes to the lifestyle of others?