Bald Heads

I don't know if the email I received is genuine. It appears to be leaked from the Associate
Minister of Health, Damien O'Connor's office. O'Connor is the minister in charge of the
current anti smoking campaign that's puffing up New Zealanders. I don't know the man and wouldn't recognise him if he were buried under six feet of snow. So lets be fair and not accuse him snow blindness.

The email indicates that there's another health agenda to be forced down the throats of the
unwilling public. In recent years thousands of Kiwi males have shaved their heads
completely bald. To me it's totally stupid but apparently it's fashionable. I would have
thought that natural baldness would be bad enough. But I'm hirsute enough to stand
corrected.

Ultra violet rays created by the sun have caused a massive increase in skin cancer and killing hundreds more people than smoking ever will. Shaven heads are particularly susceptible and cancer treatment cost the government a fortune. Some patient fly to Australia because suitable treatment is not available in NZ. It's something to do with our medical people working overseas for a livable income.

The email doesn't state what government intends to do about the situation but judging from
the imaginative arguments created by the anti smoking brigade, the following is possible.

Shaven heads will be illegal and punishable by a large fine. Imprisonment will be mandatory for repeat offenders. The weather office will be instructed to allow sunlight only after dusk and ultra violet rays filtering through the clouds will be restricted to people with a full head of hair. Children will have their faces painted with aluminium and those suffering genuine baldness will wear hoods.

The beaches will be off limits and will also solve the problem of Maori claiming the
foreshore and seabed as private property. Outside sports such as rugby and cricket will be moved indoors and sun lamps confiscated. Car engines will be adjusted to pump out clouds of carbon monoxide. People with dyed or split hairs will suffer double the normal penalty and experience ozone deprivation as a public deterrent. The law will be enforced by a dedicated bunch of Sun Busters specially trained in solar flares. The Sun Laws must be obeyed. George Orwell hath spoken.